Restoring Attunement Workshop: Healing Emotional Neglect (for Clinicians)

How to stop covering your ache of emotional aloneness with self-sufficiency and achievement

When: Sunday April 28, 2024 at 1PM - 5PM PT (Zoom)

Who is this workshop for? Therapists, coaches, physicians, and healers with an interest in healing chronic emotional mis-attunement

Registration: Email kelly.h.werner@gmail.com to register. No CEUs.

Cost: $120 for 4-hr online workshop (4 reduced fee spots at $65 each).

Many people walked on eggshells around a parent growing up, and are puzzled as to why they are struggling in adulthood. When caregivers are consumed with their own anxiety or triggered reactions, they fail to meet their child’s needs of attention and care. This little ‘t’ trauma is a trauma of omission. It is about what the child did not receive, so they don’t know what they are missing. “How are you feeling?” “It’s OK that you are sad,” “Sorry I just hurt you,” were hardly uttered in these homes. When this failing happens repeatedly over years, the child eventually goes numb to their longing for co-regulation and to be known. Many cope with relentless self-sufficiency, making sure to hide when they are feeling emotionally overwhelmed. It’s just not safe to be vulnerable when struggling. The go-to strategies of achievement and perfectionism at the cost of self-abandonment become the norm.

In this four hour online workshop, you'll be led through the ATTUNE process for healing emotional neglect and attachment trauma. Many of us have experienced our inner world being repeatedly mis-attuned to in a primary relationship. However, for some, this disconnection has been excessively prevalent, hindering our ability to fully thrive in our current lives. On the call you will get an overview of the causes and consequences of emotional neglect so you can better recognize it in yourself and clients. Through didactics and experiential exercises you will create a narrative of your journey with chronic emotional mis-attunement and how it has affected your functioning and wellbeing. In the larger group and in break-out rooms, I hope participants will have some corrective experiences to undo the aloneness of emotional neglect. We'll also role-play taking up emotional and relational space. Overall you will walk away with more understanding of this overlooked experience of emotional neglect and tools to help yourself and your clients.

There is not one agreed upon term for this little ‘t’ trauma. Some related terms are adult children of emotionally immature parents, attachment trauma, relational trauma, emotional abuse, invisible trauma, parentified children, an adult child of an alcoholic, trauma of omission, chronic emotional mis-attunement and complex trauma.

Chronic mis-attunement can lead to experiences such as depression, substance abuse, personality issues, workaholism, body image obsession, complex PTSD, borderline personality disorder, suicidal ideation, numbing with food, dissociative disorders, and psychosomatic issues like GI distress, headaches, chronic pain, to name a few.

Since this trauma is about the witholidng of attention or care, is so hard to detect. On the outside, some of the families that had a lot of emotional neglect look enviable, with cars in both garages, and the kids staying out of trouble and performing well at school, sports or with friends. So when repeated comments from parents like: “What, that bothers you?” “You don’t really feel that,” are common-place, the child resorts to thinking: “What’s wrong with me? Why is this so hard, this is nothing compared to real abuse.” Denying they feel gut-punched when dismissed by their Mom. Resisting their healthy yearning to feel felt. These early wounds of emotional abuse can then be re-triggered in adulthood in marriages with partners who are less attuned, being single for much longer than one wants to be, dealing with aging parents not realizing their impact on you, and toxic team cultures at work too.

The great news is that adults can heal from this relational trauma. In the last 20 years many new therapies and techniques have come on the horizon like co-regulating in the midst of emotional overwhelm, as well as attuning to one’s inner wisdom that inherently knows how to heal itself.  The process of ATTUNE combines the best components of these therapies to help one heal from chronic emotional mis-attunement.

A         Acknowledge that you were emotionally mis-attuned to (value/prioritize your own thriving)  
T         Tune into your higher self (cultivate Inner Witness)
T         Tend to your emotional needs (relate to thoughts/emotion effectively while act in line with values; build attuned community)  
U         Undo emotional aloneness (witness, care for, co-regulate and undo aloneness of exiles with Therapist Self and own Self)
N         Narrate your life from an updated perspective (shift from story of self-blame to one that your emotional needs poorly met)
E         Empower yourself to take up emotional and relational space (assertive communication skill building; empowered action)

Testimonials...

“I love that it focused on one topic area for 4 hours and was deep, specific and thorough. Also, I loved that it contained didactic, experiential and practical skill building exercises that I can use with clients tomorrow. This is what advanced training looks like and is super refreshing!”

“It's very validating for me to see my patterns around lack of emotional attunement in my family (feeling unseen, invisible, not having my inner reality confirmed). I appreciate how you named the connection between this and sense of self and confidence. I'm also appreciating the blend of IFS and AEDP! I learned so much from watching your client/therapist practice demo in front of the group, and being the therapist in the practice group.”

“It connected a lot of dots for myself, my husband and some of my clients. I will be forever grateful for her time, presentation information, and the niche she is sharing with everyone.”

Here is an initial draft of an article on Chronic Emotional Mis-attunement

It's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a family, workplace or society that requires abandonment of needs, authenticity and spirit.