Skillfulness with Emotions

If you'd like your emotions to simmer down a bit, try this...

1. Catch yourself: Notice the physiological indicators in your body (e.g., tight chest, sinking in stomach). Notice escalated thoughts: “I hate…” “The future will be terrible…”

2. Make space for emotion: Take 3 deep breaths, allow the sensations to be here. Notice the emotion from an observer perspective: “There is fear in my belly that is temporary”

3. Understand why you are feeling this: What am I triggered by here? Why is this one hard for me? What is the more vulnerable hurt or fear under that?

4. Put self in other’s shoes: This other person is just trying to get along in their life, or they are triggered. What is their perspective on the situation?

5. Self-compassion/Self-respect: I care that I am hurting. This feeling belongs—it’s OK that I’m having this reaction inside. What do I need?

6. Wise Response: What would my wisest self do or say? If I was totally relaxed on vacation and this happened, what would my most mature compassionate self do?

 

The Key Skill We Rarely Learn: How to Feel our Feelings by Victoria Lemle Beckner   |  [Blog Post]

Experiential Exercise by Kelly (15 mins)  |   [Listen]

RAIN Practice by Tara Brach  |  [Listen]

When hijacked by emotion by Kelly (10 mins)  |  [Listen]