ATTUNE Process: Restoring Attunement
Fall 2024 Workshop: Online for 3 hours for $60
To Register: email kelly.h.werner@gmail.com
Join us for 3 hours and gain an overview of attachment trauma, it's causes, and tools to heal it. Together we'll engage in 4 experiential exercises from the ATTUNE Healing Process. When I have 10 people signed up I will poll the group for a day/time and we'll run the workshop.
(Medium Blog Post: "From Neglect to Attunement: Nurturing Emotional Health")
We all need to be known, attuned to and co-regulated with. Emotional attunement soothes our distress, helps us connect to ourselves and allows for the felt sense of belonging with others. In life, everyone experiences mis-attunement at times. It's normal to have emotional misses with partners, parents, colleagues, friends and social media. It even builds grit. But some of us have felt the pain of misattunement too much. It's been chronic. In a upbrining or a marriage, it's happened tens of thousands of times, and taken a toll on our wellbeing, sense of self and relational intimacy. For example, in childhood we might have been struggling and a caregiver didn't notice or made us feel worse. “How stupid” “Get it together” “I would have never let that happen,” are uttered or implied.
When this invalidation or dismissal happens repeatedly it creates a trauma of omission. It's about what you did not get so you don't know you are missing it. One learns: “No one is going to help me when I feel like a failure, excluded or down. I have to turn my feelings off on my own.” Abandoning our inner emotional life in service of what others are comfortable with or what professional cultures reward. Some turn to relentless self-sufficiency and achievement at the cost of self-abandonment to gain approval as a poor substitute for co-regulation and feeling felt. Yes, you sound impressive and are admired at a dinner party, but at what personal cost?
There is not one agreed upon term for this little ‘t’ trauma. Some related terms are adult children of emotionally immature parents, attachment trauma, relational trauma, emotional abuse, invisible trauma, parentified children, an adult child of an alcoholic, trauma of omission, chronic emotional mis-attunement and complex trauma.
Chronic mis-attunement can lead to experiences such as depression, substance abuse, personality issues, workaholism, body image obsession, complex PTSD, borderline personality disorder, suicidal ideation, numbing with food, dissociative disorders, and psychosomatic issues like GI distress, headaches, chronic pain, to name a few.
The great news is that adults can heal from this relational trauma. In the last 20 years many new therapies and techniques have come on the horizon like co-regulating in the midst of emotional overwhelm, as well as connecting to one’s inner wisdom (Self-energy) that knows how to heal underlying emotional wounds. I've created the ATTUNE process by combining the best components of these therapies to help one heal from chronic emotional mis-attunement:
A Acknowledge your emotional needs (value/prioritize your own thriving)
T Tune into your Higher Self (cultivate Inner Witness)
T Tend to your own needs (relate to thoughts/emotion effectively while act in line with values; build attuned community)
U Undo emotional aloneness (witness, care for, co-regulate and undo aloneness of exiles with Therapist Self and own Self)
N Narrate your life from an updated perspective (shift from story of self-blame to one that your emotional needs poorly met)
E Empower yourself to take up emotional and relational space (assertive communication skill building; empowered action)
Testimonials...
“I love that it focused on one topic area for 3 hours and was deep, specific and thorough. Also, I loved that it contained didactic, experiential and practical skill building exercises that I can use with clients tomorrow. This is what advanced training looks like and is super refreshing!”
“It's very validating for me to see my patterns around lack of emotional attunement in my family (feeling unseen, invisible, not having my inner reality confirmed). I appreciate how you named the connection between this and sense of self and confidence. I'm also appreciating the blend of IFS and AEDP! I learned so much from watching your client/therapist practice demo in front of the group, and being the therapist in the practice group.”
“It connected a lot of dots for myself, my husband and some of my clients. I will be forever grateful for her time, presentation information, and the niche she is sharing with everyone.”
It's no measure of health to be well adjusted to a family, workplace or society that requires abandonment of needs, authenticity and spirit.